That swimsuit

So I wore THE swimsuit top to be more  ‘sassy’ than ‘badassy’

However, I did not expect my children’s response.

While their father was present one asked what I was wearing.

I tell you, I’ve been modest for all my life and theirs.

Then after he left my 14 year old asked why I was wearing the swimsuit top.  I just said I had gotten a fun two piece suit and was wearing the top with shorts while working in the back yard and washing the vehicle.  The comments continued that it wasn’t my style, wasn’t my colors and they didn’t like it.  I just smiled and listened.

Several days later we were getting ready to go swimming and there was a resounding  ‘no’ from 4 of the 5 children to me wearing the two piece.  ‘It’s not your style!’ said my 4 year old. And she pointed to rabbits, my romantic medieval crown and large clock and said these where my style.  Funny girl.

But insightful girl.

I didn’t push the issue and wore my black and white polkadot one-piece.
Which is flattering and cute!

Later at the pool, I was actually glad I was in a one piece.  Because I am modest by nature  and nurture.  And I realized that as much as I want to be sassy, I’m not in that way.  I am a badass in this way and this way.  I’m really still just me being brave but still me.  And honestly to be in a two piece at the pool would have felt overexposed.

A couple days later I was talking with my friend RB and she brought up the fact that for me to be in a bikini is not how my children have experienced me ever.  Their father has made massive changes in a short period of time and so it may be very important to the children that I be as they know me.  Of course I will change but to them, wearing a two piece swimsuit is an unwelcomed change.  And perhaps a bit scary.  They are already having to deal with their father going from being a devoted husband for years (and he truly was) to now having a girlfriend in a relatively short period of time.

And out of respect for my five children and out of respect for myself…I really would feel uncomfortable at a public pool, I will not be wearing the pseudo-bikini.  Perhaps with just  friends or somewhere more private.

In time.

Grace to be true to myself.
And maybe this is a very real honest me living out Brené Brown’s badass definition

People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability
and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.

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One comment

  1. You have Wisdom in your blood.
    Your Children are following and watching you. Smart ones they are.
    Too much is and has swirled a huge, big 360′ in this past year. You are their Stability and you are doing a Tremendous job.
    You know everything in its own time❤️

    Like

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