A challenge

So my friend AA sometimes asks me hard questions and sometimes instead of answering the questions….

I go to the past and answer from my past.

AA calls me on it.

‘Why are you side-stepping the question?’
I ought to say, ‘Because I’m nimble’ but instead I nervous laugh and change the subject.

And then I caught myself answering, ‘because when I was married…’ or something to that effect.

And BAM, it hits me.

I am not married.  (duh. and sigh)
I am not in the same place I was last year. (Thank the Lord!)
I am not in the same place I was four years ago or any years ago. (bitter sweet)

I am not…
&
I am here and now.


am
here
and
now

And then the questions that follow this revelation…

Am in willing to be present
here and now in my response,
to not only AA’s questions but, to life?

Am I wiling to pause?
Am I willing to be different than I was?  
To change?
To grow?
To explore my own heart and mind in the present?

Or will I get stuck in the past?

Oh.
The choice.

Because to be present might mean that I am ‘different’ than I thought myself to be.  Probably.

Nervous.

But I might just be more wonder-full!

Oh, that reminds me of this quote by Eric Hanson.

What if I fall?
Oh, my darling, what if you fly?

And do I believe, truly believe, that grace will hold me…no matter what?

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2 comments

  1. Some wag once observed “life is what happens while you were making other plans.” One consoling blessing of a life-crisis is that it can serve to remind us of what we conveniently forget when things are smooth: Change as the only true constant. So glad you are learning to embrace the changes, and to step out and explore the new – in yourself, especially. Blessings!

    Like

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