Creating art during the year leading to the divorce and the year of the divorce was a vital place of expression and healing for me.
I’ve always created with paper and paint and whatever. Just because it’s who I am.
Then September 2015 my husband left for a month leaving me and our 5 children confused and hurting. I don’t remember much of that month but I painted and painted and painted with my watercolors. Lots of circles and dots.
I agreed to his terms and he returned. I then signed up for Brené Brown’s Gifts of Imperfection Art Class and began the hard work of creating art while learning how I could navigate life whole heartedly. It was delightful because Brené is a fun insightful teacher and hard because I wanted to be honest with myself.
Then as my world crumbled in the winter of 2016 and on into the rest of that dreadful year, my creating continued. Creating became a safe haven to remember who I was and what was important to me.
Bedrock in the storm.
My foundation that would prove to be solid.
I created this collage cover to my art journal in September of 2015. I didn’t feel any of these statements that I put on the cover. None. But I longed for this peace and confidence and acceptance.
I then began to fill page after page with what I called ‘The Great Alteration’ art.
Art all through the process of the divorce. A divorce that I didn’t want and that felt like my heart was being broken over and over again. And yet I had to believe that there was more to my story than just the destruction of my dreams and hopes. I was floundering and barely holding on.
I began to create according to what I believed but not necessarily what I felt at the time.
This was brutally honest heart art for me.
I continued to put my thoughts and beliefs into my art work.
Then a shift happened. I began to feel joy and life like I hadn’t for a long time.
My last pages of this art journal. And when I looked at them a day after painting them, I almost cried. My heart and mind were coming into alignment with what I had put on the cover of the journal. I truly am experiencing peace and joy that are not dependent on the circumstances. Yes, I feel a full range of feelings and emotions but the underpinning now is joy and peace. My bedrock is the Prince of Peace. Jesus. He has walked this journey with me and faithfully drawn me to His love and grace over and over again.
I won’t say I’ve arrived but I will say that I’ve finally learned how to get back to calm waters.
This is grace.
This is a gift beyond measure.